Tag Archives: daily life

Everything Counts

Every Step Counts

As I said in my introduction, I think one of the biggest lies of this life is that all its really meaningful moments are big events: getting married, touring Europe, having a baby, playing the palace, or making executive manager. For many of us unless we can point to something really substantial happening to us every week we have no idea we’re living at all!

Isn’t that why we idolize movie stars, football players and rock singers? It isn’t just the fact that they might have talent; it’s that we are enamored of their lifestyle. We spend time fanaticizing about what it must be like to live the grand life, a life of largess so spectacular and exciting. So, if we’re on the talk show circuit, our life has been validated. The rest of us are just wanna-bes, what’s left behind when the shiny ones step up on the platform of public acknowledgement. Then there’s the  inevitable confusion when we read about one coming home and taking a bottle of pills to end it. Are they trying to tell us something? I don’t consider the famous that fortunate. Most of them have very little private time and they lose the thread to their own heart.

Real life is all that stuff in between big events and most of our time is spent there. Day to day life, that’s what really interests me because it’s where the meaning is. It’s the pith and the point of it all. Yet, we have very little respect for every day life at the moment. It’s considered small and trivial.

I am passionate about daily life, connecting the dots of one mundane moment to the next, all I’ve seen to what I’ve read to who I am today and then watching it all play out in my world. Being able to ask myself: “Did I do that well?” “What do I think about that? Can I do it better next time?” The conscious awareness that every intention, every step I take, carries in it the face of my future, is a constant source of fascination.

Each moment of every day holds a challenge to know myself. A chance to try and:

  •  Be totally honest without hurting anyone’s feelings
  • Take responsibility for my choices and actions
  • Allow everyone else to be who they are
  • Relate to others on a meaningful level
  • Face a fear by doing something I avoid
  • Create without anxiety
  • Keep my balance emotionally, mentally, and physically
  • Heal the past
  • Value all that I have
  • Change what I don’t like about myself
  • Learn to accept what is hard-wired into my psyche
  • Nurture my physical body to stay healthy

These goals can be extremely challenging, more than enough to keep me busy or engaged in my life. Everyone has their own list of course. Someone else’s challenges might look quite different from mine. All we need is a little self- knowledge and we know right away what to place on our list.

What we do and say that day can be weighed against our list. However, I don’t feel too bad if I blow it today. There’s always tomorrow! I am not perfect. The list isn’t supposed to stress me out or undermine my confidence. It’s something to aspire to, not a way to punish myself. It should be almost fun.  Life is just a constant challenge to get it right. When we have a day where we’ve met some of our personal goals it’s the equivalent of winning an award. Other people may not realize what we’ve done, but we sure do.

Besides, going through a day meeting everyone’s eyes can be like climbing Mount Fuji to someone who’s shy. Strapping on some downhill skis despite your fear of heights pushes some people way beyond their borders. Giving up your wants in favor of a friend’s is tantamount to getting the key to the executive washroom when you’re inclined to be a bit self-centered. You’ve just earned a personal promotion and don’t it feel good?

We have no role models for this kind of activity in America, our culture admires people for what they can do or have done, not who they are. There is no expectation of honor or integrity that the people in the limelight must live up to, nothing internal they must be…to be admired. As long as they can pass that football, every bad boy jerk in the world gets his photo on the cover of Time. In fact it makes for better copy if they are less than savory, or even downright obnoxious!

Things that really give life meaning don’t necessarily garner recognition like diplomas or letters tacked to the end of a name. The attainment of some pinnacle of outward success is meant to be the icing on an already richly layered cake. It is the process that is important, not the results. That’s why winning the lottery doesn’t resolve a life automatically making that person happy for the rest of their life.

The not-so-measurable achievements of keeping pure of heart in a corrupt world, holding onto integrity while those in authority reward dishonesty, treachery, and greed or trying to get what I want without further polluting the environment or disrespecting another’s space is quite enough of a power-trip for me.

It does follow that as we change and grow and move ahead psychologically our outside life catches up and reflects that, but not immediately. The process may take years. It doesn’t mean those years are wasted, that they aren’t important. Just because we don’t have anything tangible to show for it so far, there’s no need to panic. The growth may all be internal. It all counts, every step: everything counts.

Of course if you can recall every plot line of Desperate Housewives and the names of all the microbrews you’ve tried this year, perhaps you are wasting your time and need a change, but as long as you have an intention is to live it well, a good life is almost guaranteed.

When I look back on last year, it isn’t just about what I’ve done. Sure, it feels good to see things happening, to see the tangible results of hard work. Bragging rights are fun, but the true work and the best accomplishments always take place inside of me. The best results are measured by how much satisfaction I now get from my life. Hopefully, I am getting smarter, braver, and kinder: that’s what will lead me to experience more joy and satisfaction!

Nothing is wasted, everything counts. With or without outward recognition, when lived with intention, with vision, and in detail, every-day life is the most heart thumping, emotionally exhausting, head crazy thing there is. It’s a ride and if we’re living it right, it’s an E-ticket one.

All Text and Photos are Copyrighted 2012 CLCW

Contemplation


Haven’t been in the blogosphere for a long time. Life has been too good and too busy to bother but these long warm fall days are just too beautiful not to post a few pictures.
Seems appropriate to post some writing on contemplation here.

Contemplation: What we don’t have time for, may be just the thing we need.

Walk down any book aisle these days and you will notice a flood of titles all screaming that our lives have become overwhelming and we are way too busy in them. I don’t think we need anyone telling us what’s already in our face; no one is arguing that the pressure is on. Like an overbooked airline we consistently cling to the hope that some ticket holder on the next flight will be willing to take a later time or cancel altogether giving us the break we need. Yet, when we finally get some downtime, instead of relaxing, we tend to program that too, filling it up with “purposeful” activity.

As usual advertisers have caught on to what we dream about and the latest media catch word for selling anything is “simplify.” A lot of solutions are being sold out there, whole magazines dedicated to showing us how to do the quick fix simple thing in twelve easy steps. We may think we know how to combat craziness, but do we see is any detailed explanation as to why we should care? Other than being a bit tired and stressed, what’s the big deal about being over scheduled anyway?

We read about stress levels are significantly higher for the lowest worker on the corporate pole because he has the least amount of say over decisions in the workplace and beyond. The solution being offered seems to be work even harder, (demanding even more time and energy) and become some Big Cheese. I don’t really think that’s the answer most of us are looking for though. It isn’t that we have too many people telling us what to do, it’s the feeling that we are not in charge of our lives. We lack the security and the inner knowing that we are heading toward what we want in life. This is where our stress is coming from. If we were sure that everything we’re putting up with was carrying us to our own personal glory (whatever form that might take), I think we’d all be a whole lot more relaxed.

However (vague notions of wealth or fame aside), most of us just haven’t a very clear idea what goals to give ourselves. Our busy schedules are sacrificing more than quality time with the kids. Finding ourselves at the center of so much outside activity has created lives fraught with what I call: flitation. We flit from project to problem never getting much time to think anything through. In the process we’re not only losing a sense of accomplishment we’re losing the center of our SELF. We never seem to have the time to stop and see ourselves very clearly, to get a sense of who we are and what we need. If we could put our fingers on our places for a little while, we could hold a space in which to create some new ideas. As it is we aren’t able to stay still and focused for any length of time to know how we could make the changes we need to get us where we want to go. We must have some stillness and quiet to think and assess without an IPOD accompaniment.

The major themes of life may be family, home, money, and career, but minor details like: self knowledge, introspection, personal philosophy, and creativity, are extremely important nuances in a life well lived and they are getting left behind. Do you know what you believe and why? Do you have a personal code of ethics that you live by? What do you think you have an aptitude for? Do you understand your fears and how to ease them? How do you use your imagination? Do you give more to yourself or to others and why? How far would you go to achieve your goals?

Without clear answers to these questions and many more like them making personal plans and projections is harder if not impossible. It’s in the details of our life that we find our drive, the engine that lays down the tracks we follow to self actualization and satisfaction. If we don’t tend to the inside of ourselves: who we are, why we think what we do, how we feel and what we believe, then our outside life can fall apart. It comes unglued because there is no cohesion, no foundation or framework, nothing to give any personal meaning to what we are presently doing.

We need time for contemplation. Contemplation is an art that can be cultivated. If it’s been awhile since you sat still and quiet for any length of time without popcorn and a DVD it can get a little uncomfortable. It feels awfully foreign to be alone with nothing to do and the longer you stay there the chance that certain less than satisfying things about you or your life (once easily avoidable by way of distraction) float to the surface. You may have to acknowledge that you are in some depressing situation or even not (yet) the person you want to be. It could get pretty ugly. Don’t despair, it’s what you’re there for, to reassess and rectify, to clean out what you don’t like or doesn’t belong anymore. Then the dreaming and planning and restructuring can begin.

Once we know what we really want again and why, we have to keep our lives going in the direction that we intend and that too, requires the constant vigilance that regular contemplation can provide. Any time a rash of outside concerns demand our attention the more trivial any life on the inside will appear, making contemplation seem like a total time waster. Yet without it we lose our central core and the personal order we keep that helps us make sense of our lives. It takes a lot of discipline, fortitude and even courage to consistently go against the current flow of flitation.

After a few hours a month of this quiet: Awareness will develop naturally or deepen because we now have a more defined sense of self, we know more clearly why we make the choices we do. We are operating from a focused, organized center of our being. We have our mission statement. We are conscious. With our newfound awareness, that is: the ability to simultaneously hold on to all that we are and take in what is going on around us and see how these two things fit or don’t fit together, we can go about living our outside life. Armed with the knowledge we acquire during our downtime, we are better able to make decisions that bring us closer to our personal objectives.

Finding a time for personal contemplation may seem old fashion and a frivolous waste of something so finite but carving out some space to mentally regroup each month gives us perspective and the peace of mind that comes with understanding our true purpose. It isn’t an inconsequential interruption in our life; it is an invaluable resource for it. It is what’s known as living life deliberately.